If you’ve got urethra burning and bladder frequency that nothing will stop, not baking soda water, not raw garlic, not OLE, brace yourself, darling.
You don’t have a UTI: you have an infection of your lady tissues. I’m talking the vagina, the inner labia, the clitoris all around the urethra: the whooole enchilada. Maybe you’ve had a swab culture done recently that didn’t turn up anything, or a doctor has taken hisself a gander and declared it looks fine to him….but honey badger don’t care.
Honey badger sez, “Make yourself a thick, wet paste of activated charcoal, and go to town.”
Slather that all over the place like frosting. Coat everything inside the outer labia, and reapply after every trip to the ladies room. You’re going to need a liner, and underwear to which you are not emotionally attached, because it’s gonna get messy up in here before you’re done.
After you’ve applied that charcoal, march yourself into the kitchen and make an infused coconut oil bullet, preferably with OLE. See here for full instructions.
Tonight, toss a probiotic (Femdophilus) up there ahead of your bullet, like a scouting party. Wear a pad, sleep on your side, and brace for impact: you’re going to see some gory slime in the morning.
Those are the dead bodies of your enemies: rinse, wipe, flush, rejoice, and reapply the charcoal. About 90% of the pain and discomfort that has been tormenting you will be gone overnight.
Into thin air.
If the charcoal burns when you apply it, that means it’s doing God’s work. It’ll stop in a few minutes, and then you’ll start to feel awesome. Same with the coconut oil bullet.
Keep going with the charcoal until you’ve felt totally normal for 2 days, and keep going with the infused coconut oil bullets and probiotics until you’ve seen no goopy discharge for 3 days.
At that point, you switch to plain coconut oil bullets: once per week for a month, and then once every 4-6 weeks to keep you perfectly healthy.
Alternatively, your symptoms are mild to none, but when you pee on a test strip, the leukocytes pad turns pink instead of purple. You have a low-grade vaginal infection.
Same protocol as above.
UPDATE: Additional Troubleshooting.
- If you have a storied history of vaginal infections, reaching back into the mists of time (you’ve had more than one infection and treated with standard doctor’s meds), your bacteria/Candida may have developed a protective biofilm. If you don’t get significantly better within 2 days, you need to soak freshly grated horseradish in your coconut oil, a heaping teaspoon per batch, and chill the bullets in the fridge rather than the freezer. Apply until all symptoms are gone and tests are clear for 3 days. Alternatively,
- If you’re barely getting a response from the bullets, including horseradish-infused bullets, you have a staph infection embedded under the surface of your tissues, and you need to take ascorbic acid orally. 1500 mg 3x a day will do the job.
Go get ’em, tiger.